Different plans

Grace and I are home from our week down at Scottish Rite. We are happy to be home and I am looking forward to sleeping in my own little bed tonight!

Although things did not turn out the way I had anticipated or hoped for this week, Kevin and I are very encouraged by what God taught us and the blessings that were shown to us. It's amazing how often I think we are heading down one path and that path is altered to a different one. I have learned over the past 10 years that it really doesn't do anyone any good to do what I would like to do (and sometimes have done) in these instances (pitch a fit!) Instead God has taught me to step back and try to watch what He is trying to teach us. Sometimes this is easier to do than other times. This week, it took a few days for me to figure out that things weren't going as well as we had hoped for and after getting ready to start grumbling, I looked outside of our window (we had an incredible view of the park and it was all lit up) and I could hear God saying to me Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven" and also Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord." I was immediately comforted. Thank you Jesus for comforting me.

I don't know if you have read the little story by Emily Perl Kingsley but someone sent this to me right after Grace was born. Emily wrote this as a description of what it is like to have a child born to you with special needs. Here is the story:

Welcome to Holland

When you are going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, Michelangelo’s David, a gondola ride in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there has been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It’s just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It is just a different place. It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills; Holland has tulips; Holland even has Rembrandts.

Everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

The pain of that will never ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely, things about Holland.

This little story was exactly the way I felt after Grace was born and it depicts how I have felt so many times throughout her life. This week is one of those times. My bags were packed and I was ready for one trip yet someone sent me somewhere else....but it was just as beautiful, just different!

Some of the blessings that we received this week were meeting so many children with so many needs (kids that had just been through major surgeries, kids in wheelchairs, and multiple kids with amputations and missing limbs) and watching pure joy on their faces. These kiddos know how to enjoy life to the fullest and embrace each moment as a gift. Another blessing was Grace getting to develop some relationships with some of these children and watching this happen was amazing. I have never seen her at such ease in any sort of peer group. Also, the entire hospital setting and all of the caregivers were absolutely incredible! It was such a blessing to have such a positive experience for Grace in a hospital setting. She actually had fun!

We continue to trust in God's plan for Grace's life and thank Him for a great week! Now, we are anxiously awaiting Cannon's return from camp tomorrow!

Thank you for your continued prayers for our family,

Carrie

Great Summer!!

Summer has been so good and our family has really enjoyed the time off to relax, sleep in, and not have to worry about our normal busy schedules. It has been so nice just taking a break from the craziness of life. It would be nice if that break would also mean a break from hospitals, drs, treatments, therapy appts, and medicines, but unfortunately, we aren't able to do that! And the good news is that even though none of us likes any of these things, we are all doing well and making good progress, which is a huge praise!

We have enjoyed days at the pool, time at the mall, a week with my brother's son, lot's of time with my mom and dad (so thankful my mom has retired!!!!), movies, friends, eating out, celebrated Cannon's 14th bday, and lots and lots of games. We have had more great family time this summer than I can remember in summer's past but I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that everyone is feeling pretty good. Praise God!

The past two weeks have been spent caring for our sweet dog, Mulligan. She quit eating a few weeks ago and began having trouble walking. Over the past two weeks, she grew steadily worse. Our family sadly began preparing for what was to come. Our vet was able to give her medicine to help with her pain. We started having to take shifts throughout the day and night to comfort her. On July 10th, her 17th birthday, she passed away peacefully in her sleep. We had a sweet little ceremony for her and buried her in our backyard. Our family is grieving the loss of a special part of our family, but we are thankful for the years we had with her.

Tomorrow, Cannon will leave for PCBC Thee camp in Oklahoma for 6 days. He seems excited and I think it will be good for him to get away and get his mind off of the loss of Mully. His dr has given him a lot of restrictions for his foot and leg. I pray that he will not get injured while he is gone and that he has a great time despite his restrictions.

Grace and I will be checking Grace in to Scottish Rite Hospital tomorrow where we will be spending the week. We are so thankful that she isn't sick and isn't having surgery! She will be learning how to do all of her medical things on her own. We are so thankful for this program and pray that it is successful!

Thank you for your continued prayers for our family,

Carrie

"For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord." Psalm 117:2

Swimming Again!!

Grace was able to go back to swimming today....just 72 hours after her surgical procedure! For those of you who don't know, swimming is one of Grace's very favorite things to do. She was so happy and had so much fun! We continue to be quite thankful for all of the blessings in our lives and count a quick recovery as one of these!

Thank you for your prayers!

Carrie

Shortest stay ever and so thankful!!!!!

Thank you for your prayers today. We are so thankful for God's watchful hand today. He oversaw it all. Grace was scheduled to stay at Children's a few days due to medical history but instead we had our shortest stay EVER... I think it was about 4 hours!!!!! In true Grace fashion, she baffled the nurses and drs by her "nerves of steel" (as they called it). I say it's God living and breathing in her every day to give her strength and endurance beyond words.

I can never visit Children's without being reminded of how blessed we are....there continue to be so many sick children in the world. As Grace was being prepped for surgery, a baby was being prepped across the hallway from us for neurosurgery with Grace's neurosurgeon. We were saddened for this baby and the family. Please hug your healthy children tonight and pray for those who are sick and less fortunate than we are.

Thank you again for your prayers.

Love,

Carrie

Praying as Grace faces another surgery....

Well, school is out and we are so thankful that we made it limping to the finish line!! We are all so thankful that summer is finally here and we can all rest and relax! yea!!!!

Please pray right now for Grace as she will undergo another surgical procedure tomorrow morning, (Wednesday). As her body has continued to have some medical issues this spring, we are hoping that this will help many areas in her body. Please join us as we pray for drs wisdom and Grace's safety. We are resting in God's plan for her life... (Jeremiah 29:11) and thankful that He continues with provisions both big and small!

Thankful for Grace's willingness as she accepted the news of this...her only question was "when will I be able to swim?" She is amazing and I am so thankful that God has gifted her with such strength and grace to continue to be willing to face each challenge that comes her way. She even commented that this is "not even a BIG deal, Mom." And, I guess for her and everything she has had done, this isn't so big....Wow...Thank you, Amazing, God!!!!

We are so thankful for each of you and your faithfulness to our family!

Love,

Carrie

Psalm 121:1-8

I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

² My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

Grace's Wish Party

Last Friday, the Make-A-Wish chapter of North Texas had an incredible party for Grace and our family and we wanted to say thank you! They invited Grace's friends and our family to gather at their wishing place, Maggiano's graciously donated a fabulous dinner, we watched footage from our New York trip, and Grace's article in American Girl was on each table along with placemats of the article that were precious!

The entire place was filled with friends, smiles, and laughing girls and it was an incredible night...one that will hold a special place in our hearts for a long time!! It was so fun to watch Grace smile, giggle, skip, and talk with her friends as she shared this exciting time in her life with them. It was also so fun to see Grace show her friends the place where she made her wish and explain to her friends (with my help) how that wish came to be. The Make-A-Wish Foundation is an incredible organization and we are so thankful for them and what they did for our family!

So many of Grace's friends have been with her for so many years and so many of them have been there when she has been so sick and it was great that they all came on a rainy night and celebrated with us. It was such a treat to see Grace with her friends in a different light, having so much fun and away from doctors and hospitals! The best way I can describe it is it was pure JOY! I know I have told you so many times before but it is what I love best about Grace. Her ability to find joy in all circumstances. For this particular night, after such a long week of many, many tests and procedures, it was amazing to watch the JOY on her face!

Thank you to:

Claire, Colleen, and Ashley from Make-A-Wish for everything that you did for Grace....Maggiano's for the wonderful food....to the sweet lady who made the delicious pink cake.....Cannon for his photography and videography skills in NYC and for loving his little sister so well...and to all of our sweet family and friends. WE love each and every one of you!

Praise God for the blessings in our life,

Carrie

Pictures to follow soon.....

God's Perfect Plan

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

How many times have I planned out my life? We don't have enough days this year for me to write about it or for you to read about it. I do this so often even when I know that God's ways are so much better than my own. What's even stranger is the fact that I am always so amazed when I get through a hard situation and come to the other side and say, "Wow, God planned that out perfectly and can talk through all of the incredible ways that God showed up and was pointing us every step of the way.

Well, He's done it again...and crazy enough I am amazed again! A few years ago, a friend told Make-A-Wish about our daughter, Grace, and her story. MAW contacted us and after many phone calls and meetings they began the process of trying to grant Grace her wish. At the time, Grace was 7 and the TV series Hannah Montana was Grace's life. She had been home for a long time recovering from one of her spinal surgeries and she could escape from her own life when she watched HM. It was no surprise to us when she told MAW that she wanted to meet Hannah Montana because she had been asking to meet her for a long time. Grace was put on the list of kids who wanted to meet HM (Miley Cyrus) and she was #22 in line. We were told that it would be about a year or so. Definitely not my wish, but this wasn't about me, it was all about Grace. MAW was wonderful about it and so we began to wait. Amazingly, God already had a plan! (Psalm 139)

Meanwhile, as many of you know, Grace continued to struggle medically, was in and out of the hospital, and continued to have surgeries. Fast forward to last summer. Grace was recovering from another spinal surgery and we got a call from MAW that Grace would soon be up on the list to meet Miley! When I told Grace the news, she told me, "I don't want to meet her anymore." What? She said, "I want to be American Girl's Girl of the Year and help encourage other girls who are sick, kind of like Charissa did with bullying." Again, I thought, what? and how is that going to work?

But, remember, God, has incredible plans for our lives! (Jeremiah 29:11) MAW and American Girl have been AMAZING through this whole process! On the 1st of May, our family was flown to New York City on a VIP trip! We had limos shuttle us around as we toured the city and all of it's incredible landmarks. (Thank you Bermuda Limousine) We stayed at the Grand Hyatt and Grace commented on arrival, "Wow, this looks like a palace!" WE also had VIP trips to the Empire State Building, Mary Poppins (where we went backstage after the show and saw the sets and met the actress playing Mary Poppins and the children playing the Banks childrens!!), and the Statue of Liberty!

Grace's Wish Day was May 3rd and we were picked up in a beautiful limo and driven to the American Girl Store. Gail was our volunteer escort from MAW and was lovely! Once arriving at AGS, we were met by Robyn Roth-Moise, Grace's very own Personal Shopper! She was incredible and made Grace feel like a princess all day! Grace got to pick out her very own doll! Lots of clothes and accessories!! And then got to learn how to style her new and one of her old doll's hair (Felicity) with Moe at the Doll Hair and Boutique. Felicity also got her ears pierced and then went to the doll hospital to get a well check. From there, Grace had a photo shoot with her dolls and learned that she was being chosen to have her picture on the front of the magazine in the New York store for the month of May!!! Wow!!!! And the fun continued as Grace skipped through the 4 floors of the store. As many of you know, Grace can be so shy. But, this day, she kept a smile on her face, laughed, and had the time of her life! They treated us to lunch in their beautiful cafe and then more shopping! One of the last treats we received was being presented the May/June edition of the American Girl Magazine where Grace's story is told! It is a beautiful story and this brought me to tears. Mary Richards, the editor did an outstanding job capturing the true essence of Grace's personality by phone interview! By the time we left, our hearts were full and Grace was thrilled with her day! Thank you American Girl!!!

God has a plan and it is good. Sometimes we don't see that until years later....sometimes it can be 10 years. In 7 days, my little girl will be 10. Some days, I think it's been an incredibly long ten years for all of us, especially her. Those are the days when she is sick or when we are in the hospital or at the dr. Then, there are the days like when we were in NYC......she was still sick, but there were no drs and no hospital visits....God was revealing His bigger plan for her life, sharing her story with others, and there were His people surrounding us and loving on us...His hands and feet here on earth. Thank You Jesus.

God's Blessings

"From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another." John 1:16

So many times I have come to the computer to post an update and I have sat here with thoughts running through my mind and stabbing me in my heart but have been unable to type them. It's been a long 3 months since I have last written and a lot has happened...yet our God remains so faithful to us, even in the midst of my doubt. I thank each one of you for continuing to pray for our family and to ask how you can help us...God hears our prayers and loves us dearly.

The best update I can give you is that Grace continues to amaze us. God has blessed her with such an enormous capacity to endure hardship that it sometimes blows me away. As of now, she is continuing to struggle with several medical issues and will go through a series of medical tests and procedures for the next 8 days. Our hope and prayer is that we would get some answers to why she has been so sick and be able to best treat her.

Cannon continues to be plagued with his foot/ankle/leg fractures from the first week of January. For some reason, these bones don't seem to want to heal. He will go for a bone evaluation this Wednesday. Our prayer is that we would get answers for him too and that he would be able to heal. He continues to be in a lot of pain, has missed a lot of school, and seems worn out from it all.

For me, there are days that I feel like the weight of all of this is too much to bear. The best way to describe it is like trying to tread water in the middle of the ocean in the middle of a big storm....I keep getting swept under the water. When I feel this way, I realize, just as Peter did, I have taken my eyes off of Christ and have put them on my circumstances and am trying to do it on my own. I must remind myself to fix my eyes on Christ and consistently lean on Him for my strength, His Word to renew me, and His people to encourage me and help me along.

Thankfully, we continue to be encouraged. Just a week ago, we were jetted off to New York City where Grace was granted her wish from Make-A-Wish and American Girl-New York. It was a wonderful experience for our whole family despite all of the medical issues going on right now! My next post will be about our trip but for now I wanted to update you on Grace's status and ask for prayer for her in the coming days.

Thank you for your faithfulness,

Carrie

God is good!

I receive an email several times a week from Randy Alcorn's Eternal Perspective. Today, I was very encouraged by what he wrote because it is something that I have struggled with over the years and I know that many of you that read this blog also struggle too.

So, forgive me for not writing my own thoughts today. His were too good not to share. I also found it very interesting that when I read this I had just returned from the bookstore where I had picked up his latest book, If God Is Good. I hope you find this as encouraging as I did.

When we lock our eyes on our cancer, arthritis, fibromyalgia, diabetes, or disability, self-pity and bitterness can creep in. When we spend our days rehearsing the tragic death of a loved one, we will interpret all life through the darkness of our suffering. How much better when we focus upon Jesus!

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus... who for the joy set before him endured the cross.” The following verse commands us, “Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart” (Hebrews 12:2–3).

However great our suffering, his was far greater. If you feel angry at God, what price would you have him pay for his failure to do more for people facing suffering and evil? Would you inflict capital punishment on him? You’re too late. No matter how bitter we feel toward God, could any of us come up with a punishment worse than what God chose to inflict upon himself?

Tim Keller writes,

If we again ask the question: “Why does God allow evil and suffering to continue?” and we look at the cross of Jesus, we still do not know what the answer is. However, we know what the answer isn’t. It can’t be that he doesn’t love us. It can’t be that he is indifferent or detached from our condition. God takes our misery and suffering so seriously that he was willing to take it on himself.... So, if we embrace the Christian teaching that Jesus is God and that he went to the Cross, then we have deep consolation and strength to face the brutal realities of life on earth.

If you know Jesus, then the hand holding yours bears the calluses of a carpenter who worked with wood and carried a cross for you. When he opens his hand, you see the gnarled flesh of the nail scars on his wrists. And when you think he doesn’t understand your pain, realize that you don’t understand the extent of his pain. Love him or not, he has proven he loves you.

If you hate suffering, does it make sense to choose eternal suffering when God has already suffered so much to deliver you from it?

In your most troubled moments, when you cry out to God, “Why have you let this happen?” picture the outstretched hands of Christ, forever scarred... for you.

Do those look like the hands of a God who does not care?



(Excerpted from my book If God Is Good.)

Thank you for your continued prayers for our family and your notes and emails of encouragement. Kevin and I are leaving tomorrow for a few days of R & R while his parents hold down the fort. Please keep all of us in your prayers.

In Him,

Carrie

December 2009 Pictures

Christmas with the Greens

Cannon's Christmas party

Christmas Eve...our front yard!

2nd snow of the year!

Christmas Day

Nannie and Grace....celebrating Christmas with my parents

Grace sleeping...this is how she spent much of December

Happy New Year!

Do not be anxious about anything

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:6-7

Please forgive me for letting so many weeks go by without writing anything. I have often thought about writing but have not been able to find the words to put on paper. As Grace continues to get older, I find it harder and harder to share with you in detail what is going on in her life. She covets her privacy. I hope you will understand.

What we do continue to need from you is prayer. Life looks different in our home than in most homes of a 9 year old little girl but thankfully God is not surprised by that. Most days I take comfort in knowing that everyday was planned out for us before even one of them came into being. But, unfortunately, some days, I let fear and anxiety get the better of me and I begin to question. These are the days that I take my eyes off of Jesus...these are the days when I am the most sad.

This evening I watched Grace experience this same thing for the first time in her life. Something, she has never experienced. She is really growing up. Thankfully, I had spent the better part of my day reading my Bible; God had equipped me for what was ahead! As we faced some really hard things, we leaned heavily on the Lord and were comforted by His word. Most importantly, we were reminded that we must give our fear over to God and let him do the worrying. As I held Grace until she fell asleep, I kept reminding her of His words, the same words that He had me read today. God is so good!

Thank you for continuing to pray for our family!

We love each of you,

Carrie